Saturday, July 31, 2021

No End in Sight (Yet)

So here we are again, back to square one. Death is no longer invisible, staring right at your eyes. We all know it's inevitable, that it will come, we just never guess how close. When your breath feels hard, no smell can be found, count back the days you have spent. Close your eyes and think about the blessings all the way back, and take a deep breath as if it's your last one. Breathe, just breathe. Maybe you'll see tomorrow as the greatest day of your life. Live it one day at a time, because the end is nowhere in sight, yet.

Saturday, January 23, 2021

What Have I Done to Deserve This?

 Nothing, really. In fact, I have done more than I should, sacrifice more than I could. And then, our of the blue, the winter is coming. No precautions, no warning signs, just the calm before the storm. I can take it, but maybe, the others can't, and deservedly so. Nowadays, loyalty means laziness, unwillingness to change, or rejection to move from one's comfort zone. Ever hear of an old saying that a captain never leaves the sinking ship? We make mistakes by assuming that we all are the captain of the ship. All this time we are trapped inside this bubble, while our ship is sinking, right into the ocean's bottom. Whether the ocean is red or blue doesn't matter now. We still hope the bubble will eventually floats, instead it cracks and blow suddenly before our eyes. It's too late to try to swim back up or try to find the saving device. 

Tuesday, January 05, 2021

It's 20-21, or just 11-12?

 A new year, yet stay the same. No one expected 2020 to be so bleak. An outbreak with no end in sight, especially in this country, where the people safety is not the top priority. A completely wrong policy to handle the pandemi caused prolonged suffer. We become tired of limitations, while the disease spreads faster than ever. The national lockdown is not existed, local lockdowns are useless, and finally, we are left to our own devices. It' feels like a queue to the great beyond, we just wait for our turns to come, with no knowledge of where we stand. Well, at least we will get vaccination for free, right? Well, back to the queue my dear. There's no guarantee if we are going to make it. Hope time will prove me wrong.

Thursday, November 26, 2020

Nine Years

 It's been nine years since my last step into the workplace. We've had some ups and downs, mostly downs these last years. At least, my work laptop can confirm it, along with the scratch and cracks on its body. This time, I celebrate it in isolation, considering the turmoil around. Going back in time, I remember having no expectation about my future, lest alone my career. And that's exactly what I get. A path that going nowhere and question marks in every turn of the track. Here's to another nine years ahead.

Monday, April 06, 2020

From a Distancing

The plague has arrived, close your house, keep your distance, put on your mask, wash your hands, and pray for the best. After the dive, it's time for a lockdown, or whatever it's called. For some of us, to stay at home is a relief, a chance to reconnect to the family, for other ones, it means a dead end, the loss of income, and a path to a bleak future. But for me, the real threat is to our humanity, our sociality, and our recognition of the vulnerability of life. We also learn about leadership, especially in a time of crisis. I've been through a number of crisis myself in the last couple of years, but not alike this time. A crisis of this magnitude keeps me thinking of whether we can get out of it, when, and what it's gonna be after. Always hope for the best, prepare for the worst, I guess.

Wednesday, April 01, 2020

New Year's Dive

This year starts with a tide... a tidal wave. Nonstop rain during the new year's eve finally send water inside my house. One month later, it happens again. And there goes my good night sleeps.Every time it rains, my eyes just could not close. My heart beats faster, my mind keeps counting down the rain drops, my lips pray for it not lasts. My mind writes a list of things that must be moved to keep them from drowning. Every second counts and every rain drop means agony, every look out of window for early signs of flood.

Monday, December 30, 2019

The Fountain (of Youth)

In life, seriously, only one thing is sure, that's death. Death can come suddenly, or slowly ascending through disease, or from the court of justice. Death is inevitable, but no one, or maybe most of us, don't want to face it sooner, we even discouraged to commit suicide. Some of us even treat death as another form of disease, that must be cured. We want to live forever, or as long as it can be. Even after death, we always we wonder what will happen to our soul. In (most) religions we are told about the concept of afterlife and judgment day, heaven and hell. In another religion, there is a concept of rebirth and reincarnation. Is death really the end of our existence? Or death is just another phase of life itself? Like a star that comes to extinction, turn to black hole, then supernova, blast into a big bang, and eventually give birth to a new star (or even a whole new galaxy). Can we finally conquer our fear of death (and our sadness of our beloved one's death) by embracing it?

Sunday, January 20, 2019

Rare, or Medium Rare?

It’s rare that you see men making the “choice” to scale back their ambitions and radically decrease their earnings so that they can be home with their kids;
 There's a saying that behind every big man there's an even bigger woman, usually his wife. From another angle, for a successful woman, do we ever place the importance of a man behind? Or we just assumed that they did it on their own? To make it more extreme, do we label the man behind a successful woman a loser because they didn't take their chance? Well, sometimes those men are also successful, even more successful than their spouse, just not as famous. When we make a commitment to start a family, and have kids, how do we position ourselves, share the responsibilities, and arrange our priorities? According to the quote above, you can become "rare" if you put your family before your job, but of course it can jeopardise your career (if you have one). It just took a misstep to get you "burned" to medium rare...

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Taken for Granted

Are you working everyday to earn a good living, fulfill your passions and dreams, or just a routine to kill some times, maybe? If you work in an organization, of any size, do you just complete your tasks or do something more, like even help with your coworker's tasks? What do you feel about your workplace, your organization, do you feel recognized for your extra efforts and accordingly compensated or even accounted for? How do we recognized the good deeds we receive everyday or everytime, did a simple thank you or thank God is sufficient?. And why do I even bother asking these rambling questions?. It won't even make me feel better about myself, busting my ass off for a thankless job for years, a passionate job after all. When our priorities changed drastically, we keep on questioning ourselves if it's still worth the price. Alone at night when everyone's home, staring at the screen and punching more keys to save the day and the day after, for tomorrow is already arrived. It's just an ordinary day after all.

Friday, November 10, 2017

Back to Ordinary World

This year has been tough for us. Endless overtime, continous broken promises, and temporary shortage of lifelines plus a stockpile of debt. After what happened two years ago, I always thought the worst is over, but who knows what was just waiting on the corner. You would think two weeks with nothing to do or one month salary due is bad, imagine twice as bad, and you have a family. Looking back now, it's quite amazing, extremely lucky to be able to get out of the situation in one piece. Of course, we still clean up the wreckage. Hopefully, the worst is really over this time. One can only hope and pray for the best, and always learn to survive.