Have you ever think your life was nothing more than a complete failure? I see failure as something we don't see appropriate. But then, appropriate is relative. Of course, my life has been a complete mess ever since the new millennium, no second opinion. The way I see it, there was some episodes in my life connecting to another part, that my failures lead to (some) success in the past. But nothing was more amazed me than what I have been through last year. Just when you think you're back to the right path, you've suddenly brought up from miseries, they drop you just like that, from the height. Does that sound hurting? Your bones should be crushing to dust. I've been through many failures and misfits, one more could not kill me. But still, this one's different. I hope, sometimes in the future I could look back and see this as just another part of my life, or at least the way it should be. So, call me suicidal if I don't give a damn about the rest of this journey. I'll just try to shallow my pride, if there's any left.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Honestly... Can someone really plan their life in details, when to finish school, where to work, who's gonna be the sibling, how many kids to have, when to retire, and finally when they gonna die? Sounds ridiculous? Well, some of us think we should have one, or even MUST. I used to think the same way, but looking back now, I can see that my life has been planned by somebody else. Or should I say SOMEBODY up there? Nothing in my life went the way I planned, entirely the opposite way. It is still too early to conclude whether it's just the way it should be, or I just have a fucked-up fate. The wise men always say, just do your best to execute your plan, but in the end it's always something wrong. And I couldn't agree more than that. The way I see it, I want to take care of my own fate, as I am too old to screw it worse than I already have.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
From the way I saw it, the last year (well, 10 months actually) has been a wondrous journey to me. I can never imagine it happens, like seven years ago when I completely broke down. Got kicked out of school, no degree, no job, no money, nothing. The degree I finally earned feels nothing more than a consolation. But when that invitation letter came, and suddenly I was back in the spotlight. Here I was, thirty something, been in the worst situation (dropout, fired), with nowhere to go. This program I joined was supposed to be a dream project to make a string of well-educated, international quality person to help building this country. Well, you know that it was the idea, the reality is far from that. A lot of frictions and complications came along, and this program is dead on arrival. I made it into the Top 10, but smashed into the bottom rank in the final tally. I still cannot figure out why, the final process is so secretive as though national security matter. Well, my story is over now, it's now the stories of the chosen five candidates to complete this program. As far as I'm concerned, this program is nowhere but oer for the rest of us. Until the time to collect the consolation prize, three months euro trip.