Is It Time to Move on?

Since my college year, especially when I lost my faith in the institution and got expelled, I never had any plan for my future. I knew then, my future would be shady and completely abnormal. I mean, I had no degree, no girlfriend, no interest in my major, and no steady job. I was forced to finish my study and got my degree, which I finally did. After graduation, I was told to go to Jakarta because my brother-in-law was planned to go abroad and I had to watch my sister's family, and look for a job along. It took me six months to get my first job. After a year, I was fired unexpectedly. I once thought to go home, but there was this flood blocked my way home, so I waited. I got my present job a year ago and it came along pretty well. Just last week, at a family meeting back home, I was told to go home for good. As for my job, there is one cousin-in-law who opened a small IT company and I can join him anytime. The problem is I begin to like to live here, though my job is always a pain in the ass. I always feel more stressed by my extended family than by my boss. At least I don't have to live with my boss for the rest of my life.

I Will (Learn to) Survive

Just move in to the new office, and the internet has been connected, finally. With two weeks of process, and the slack time of internet availability, they certainly put a stack of ongoing jobs. It's not helping that we are not always be full-team on site. Our boss constantly traveling, me and my colleagues also occasionally go to client, and one client is too much for a day. So, the office is pretty much vacant these days. Unfortunately, there is no space left after all. Once again, I was told that our client don't approve me to train them. What can I say, as I'm in no position to complain. It's so easy to be misunderstood, taken by face value, as books judged by its cover. I don't mind, it's part of the learning, the painful ones indeed. As the job stacked in my shoulder higher and higher, still figured the way to finish them. Well, it's time to listen to what my man Le Bon said, "...And as I try to make my way, to the ordinary world, I will learn to survive..."

A Very Long Weekend

Three days holiday was proven too much, especially when you're left home alone. If you're left with Satellite TV and internet, it would be heaven. But no internet this time, although possible. I promised my sister not to raise her phone bill significantly, so I don't use the home phone at all. But the satellite TV is there, and deservedly so. Plus, a stack of newly purchased DVDs waiting to be watched. So, last weekend was a nonstop movie watching experience, switching from satellite to DVD simultaneously. Sadly, not enough logistics supply and I was too lazy to get it. And a couple discs just couldn't play accordingly (what can you expect from street-quality DVD). Yesterday, the rain fell heavily and flooded the street (not the house luckily) and complete the weekend experience.

It's a Hard Life

Today I witness a struggle for survival. Imagine you're in the front of a fire squad, fully loaded, aiming at you. Well, it's not me, thank god, to face it. And there was me, on the corner, speechless, feel like a loser (I already am). Well, I'm just an old man in a youth world, two steps behind others. So, one more insult couldn't hurt me more than what I become.

One Year Anniversary

Well, it's been one year since I've been working in this office. Some say time fly by when you're enjoying yourself. Well, it may be true, but surely doesn't apply here. Everyday is a winding road. However, it also makes you respect your good moments more. Once upon a time, there was a priest and a bus driver die, and face the gate of heaven and hell. The guarding angel ask, "Who are you?". The priest answers, "I'm a priest of this church" and the bus driver answers, "I'm a bus driver. I drive Metro Mini for a work". The angel then say, "Well priest, you go down there to hell and you my bus driver fellow go up there to heaven". The priest protests,"How can it be, I preach every week to guide people to the God's way". "Yeah", say the guarding angel,"But when you preach, everyone's asleep. When the bus driver drives, everyone's praying for safety and calling for God".

Life Is All About Choices

Once in a while you feel cornered and hopeless, there's always be the choice. At least there's an option to end it all right there. It is said that life is all about choices. While some people think our fate has been written in the stars and all we got to accept it no matter what. Sometimes, try to look back in your lifetime, try to remember one crucial moment. Remember the moment you make a decision, an important one. Is it really because we had no other choice, or simply because we failed to recognize the other options? It is also said that there's four things that has been destined: birth, death, fortune, and mate. Birth and death are unquestionably destined, but what about fortune and mate, are they just fall from the stars? Those are things worth fighting for, and even if our fate is written in the stars, there are many ways to reach it, and once again, choices.

Everything Happens for a Reason (is it?)

Well, if you consider your life is just a series of coincidence, that you have been guided to a certain path, met certain people as your friends, and all the ups and downs are all written in the stars. Still, life is no Truman Show (yes, the movie), we must not take life as granted, and every decision we made has the consequence. And yet, in a certain point of your life, you look back and see a big picture of the your fate and find a pattern in it. We can just say, everything happens for a reason, the goods and bads, the ups and downs, the people you meet, you love, and hate (or hates you). For me, as I see my life as a series of unfortunate events (not the movie or the book this time), I still can believe in that. Right now, I still can't see the big picture yet, but I hope I get to see it in the future.

Too Much Blogs Will Kill You...

If you don't update it periodically. Blogging is not really my addiction. The real obsession is making websites, my own websites where everybody can access it. Since I'm no rockstar, businessman, or even anybody, all I can provide is anything I can provide, my personal data, writings, babblings, anything at all. My first website, however, was Lawnosta, a website about a radio show I hosted with my friends at my campus radio back in 1999. Through many incarnations, the site is alive and well-formed by now. My personal website debuted a year later as I started working at an internet cafe. In 2002, this blog started as my first blog (and I don't even know what blog was), I treated it as an online diary, though I can't update it frequently because lack of proper internet access. As of 2004, when I was back at work (with proper internet access), I'm back to my old habit, making more websites, and more blogs, since it's mostly free and easy to have (as free e-mail). Now it's nearly a dozen, and still, I find it exciting. Planet IIP aggregates all the blogs for a quick lookout.

Counting the Days

One year ago, I was fired form my job, unexpectedly (well, who does?). The notice was just three days away from the end of the month. Actually, I was hired by two companies and both companies just let me go and throw each other responsibilities for proper treatment. No compensation, no regret, nothing. Now, I'm faced with a similar situation. Almost a year passed in my new job, still I can't get settled. I came here because I need a job, nothing more. No idealism, no ambition, I gave up all that a long time ago. I just lived my life today, never thinking about the future. Still, I don't want to feel trapped in a situation where I cannot choose, because life is all about choice after all. There's still time to consider my options. Just counting the days ahead...

Overloaded...

It's rush hour...no time to rest Well, it's been (almost) three months in a row...in a rush already. Work late? checked. Weekend work? checked. Too much to handle? checked. Delayed schedule? checked. And in the end, the relieve is not enough, not much left anyway. What's left is all that your body and mind can hold. I wish I could look back in this time and say, I did it well, not just I did the best I could.