When It’s Gone, You’ll Know It’s Not Yours

There's a danger in loving somebody too much. Or at least some might say that. It's hard enough to lose somebody close to you, it's even harder to take the blame for that. Everybody just keep saying that if only you did everything differently, etc etc. Someone even called me crazy right into my ear. But still, when someone’s gone, it’s always for good. I don’t know why for the past two months I keep losing something. I can consider myself very careful about keep my possession safe and intact. Of course, it only takes a moment of carelessness and just like that, it’s gone. Well, you shouldn’t get what you don’t deserve, so when you lost something, maybe that thing should not belong to you.

When You Lost Your Prepaid (Cellular) Number: Now and Then

Damn! I'm officially a cellular phone thief magnet when I lost my cellular for the fourth time last week. The most frustrating thing is, I have no idea when and how it was lost, stolen or maybe ran away from me. Once again I must reset all the data inside the phone. The most important thing to do when you lost your cellphone is to retrieve the number. After all, my primary reason to own a cellular phone is to simplify anyone who wants to contact me (not the other way around)!. But this time, I have a doubt because the number I use is registered under my (late) father's name. I'm afraid it's gonna be a hurdle in the retrieving process. Well, I could not be more wrong. Not only the process is nearly flawless, the cost is next to nothing, as cheap as buying a new number! Not only that, the remaining balance is still intact. You still have to supply your ID and list at least 5  most recent numbers you contacted. Back then, when I tried to retrieve another number, the cost was much higher (almost tenfold). At least from my experience in this particular operator, it is a highly improved service.

Alumni/Alma Mater

According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, alumnus (alumni in plural) is: "1: A person who has attended or has graduated from a particular school, college, or university. 2: a person who is a former member, employee, contributor, or inmate" and alma mater is: 1: a school, college, or university which one has attended or from which one has graduated. 2: the song or hymn of a school, college, or university.
By that definition, it is no wrong when a friend invited me to join an alumni organization of our former college, that is going to hold a grand reunion and election for the president of the organization. The thing is, in Indonesia, generally, only the one who graduates is considered alumni. And this particular organization also states, in black and white, in their statute (website). Not to mention that in one of the presidential candidate's campaign, clearly stated that (regular) membership of the organization will still be limited to the graduates only. So, it would be wiser for me (a dropout) to stay out of this kind of organization (for now), isn't it?

Working at the Weekend

For this couple of months, I got used to work at Saturdays. Just today, for the first time in my life I have to work at Sunday. Yeah, a full week of work. Luckily, today is also the Free Busway Ride Day, in which for one full day we can ride through all the TransJakarta Busway corridors for free. I guess it's easier to bear as a bachelor, compares to the married ones. Even then, my nephews protested when I set to go for work today. Not to mention that their mother, my sister, is out of town since Friday. Well, bad timing I guess.

Do You Believe in Shame?

Or Is it? What if you'd try your best, but we all know that is never good enough for everyone. I've screwed up, hard, all my life. I'd even given up trying to live normally, and stop making plans. Sometimes I think that's the only way I can get through, alive and breathing at this moment. How do you feel when one of these days somenone told you that you're responsible for your beloved one's life? That all you've done is nothing but shame in their eyes? And all that you can do is write this stupid post in this pathetic blog, in English, so that not everyone you know can read it. What that makes you? Don't you ever know yourself pretty well? Maybe I should see a shrink now, or even send me to a madhouse, because nothing makes sense anymore, at least to me. I just cannot live someone else's dream anymore, I'm too old and tired.

12 (When the Days Are Numbered)

What's the difference between 12 years and 12 months? It's blatantly obvious some might say. What if someone told you (or someone close to you) that you can not last any longer, your days are numbered, and there's nothing in anyone of this world's power to prevent it? And that someone happens to be a doctor, a competent one actually, not a psychic, oracle, or a supernatural mumbo-jumbo. I once heard a song that said:" It's easier to leave than to be left behind". and damn right it is. I have many things in life to be regretted, but I have to move on. I have learned the hard way that sometimes life cannot be planned, especially when it concerns someone else, and you just have to accept it. In fact, I've already stopped making plans, for a while now. It turn out that whether you planned it, or just take it for granted, life always surprises you. Nobody lives forever, so everyone might as well take a seat and just enjoy the ride.

Bad Blood

Some people says that among siblings, there always be one "bad blood" or in the simplest term, loser. There can be only one (not in highlander term) that cannot follow others successes. Sometimes, the loser one gets the worst fate, either become a lifetime bachelor or got divorced (many times), never seem to settle down (changing jobs often with low income), caught in bad debt (and chased by many cruel debt collectors), get very sick or insane, or even becomes a criminal and get in jail. Well, it may be true or not necessarily a golden rule, but in the family with more than two children, something like this may be unavoidable because the children did not get equal treatment or attention from the parents. I cannot imagine if this happen to a smaller family of one or two children, one bad blood is too much. Of course, no one wants it, we always hope for the best to happen, so take this with a grain of salt, or just ignore it completely.

A Million Rupiahs Fish

For real. Earlier this week, I got a phone call from an old friend offering me a job. Being a helpless, dropped-out-once-again-from-college, and completely broke, the most undesirable bachelor as myself, how can I say no? So I packed my bags and went back to Jakarta, back to old habits. My first weekend gave me a big surprise when I (and my sister's family) realized that we just ate the most spectacular dish on our lunch. It was a fish, cooked half in sweet and sour sauce, and half steamed, quite delicious actually. But the unforgettable factor was the price. The fish was valued by its weight, I don't know the rate, but the total price is about one million rupiahs, yes you read it correctly. And now the meal sticks in my stomach like a stamp. Fishes never taste the same since.

My Brother's Engaged

After my older brother tied the knot, now my younger one got engaged. Last weekend, I have to go on a road trip from Semarang to Malang as "cargo" service carrying all the stuff for the occasion. Accompanied by two drivers, the trip takes about 10 hours with all the breaks, either deliberate (toilet, eat) or not (traffic jam). While the two drivers can take shift, I forced myself to stay awake during the whole trip. Wondering what my eyes look like now, inside I'm feeling like a zombie. Eventually, some eyes keep looking at me as some kind of pariah, single, broke, and jobless. A waste of society if you may say. Then, they start talking to my mother, brothers, and sister right behind my back (literally). They just can't stop it, don't they?. I don't have to be reminded about all the things they said, I've been there before, just all of my life actually.

That's It, Folks

I'm outta here. They finally expel me. After two years of torturing each other, they finally made up their mind about us. The reason is that our time is up... last year (apparently). The thing is, we never know for sure how much time we got. Hey, my brother finished his master degree longer than me, of course he paid the tuition himself. Well, no use to regret it now. I guess I have accomplished my goal when I saw my name near the top of that list three years ago. The rest of the dream has vanished when they announced that we would not getting that multiple autographs on the diploma. Funny how luck can change in the matter of months. I got my holiday abroad and now I wonder if I have to pay it back now. Time to flee...